Archief | maart, 2018

Life lessons , love lessons

20 mrt

Life lessons
I dont regret trying to make your dreams come true , since we started talking last year i really felt i was getting close to you. We talked about your limitations ,fears and regrets and decided to help eachother , my heart needed healing and our talks helped so much , i am truly free now. Falling in love was not the plan and maybe never should have happened but it did and we were happy. For months we were experts in hiding our feelings for eachother.
We worked together on our website , we grew , we flourished and i saw a light in you that made me love you so much. I dont regret a damn thing. People warned me your are ill , people warned me i would get hurt. But i saw a light in you and you saw a light in me and we set eachother on fire. What i did not know was that you are so ill that we could never be together , i cannot move to the States as long as my mother lives and i have a busy life here with many responsibilities. Your mental illness was never a problem for me , i would have gladly loved you for the rest of my life and i would have settled for seeing you once a year for a few weeks , but that is just utterly selfish of me because that would fit perfectly in my busy life that already is fullfilled with being of service and a lot of people depending on me. I would have been happy with my Jedi on the side that i could talk to and be with for a few weeks a year.
Now one can argue why i did not want the whole package , and one can doubt my love , but that would be underestimating my love , and i am not having it. I love you , and i will for a long time still. And then you decided to destroy your feelings for me and the website we did together , that was selfish of you , but i understand , i understand your need to start all over again, My worry is , how many times do you want to do that? Off course i am sad and angry who would not be , not only you and i put a lot of love into that website and you decided for all of us that it ended. But love rules my heart now and i can feel a light coming through the cracks of my broken heart that can finally set me free , and i will forever be grateful for that.

May the Force be with you ❤