First 30 days

My first 30 days of my routine went well , only the last week i missed a workout but i did cardio for an hour

 

I feel fat and sorry for myself

Lol love the title , i am indeed a bit fatter than last year and i have had a few blows in the health section

I cannot walk stairs anymore and my energy levels are dropping because i am in constant pain , but …i am so done with feeling sorry for myself so here is my new work out shedule for the next 30 days , starting on friday 27 dec

See you in 30 days 😉

The Yearning

Feeling homesick , but not sure for what while i am reading up on one of my favourite subjects  http://jediliving.com/vulcanism/index.htm 

Then i remember this , the Yearning ….

 

 

Meeting Groningen was wonderful , had a great weekend with a few good Jedi and a good friend ❤  ow and the cats dont forget the cats haha

Wandering of for a year

Hmm…Some take my sabbatical very personal , already i had to explain to a few people that me taking a break from the online Jedi community does not mean i take a break from their friendship. It kind of brings a problem to the surface that when you are involved in something like the Jedi community , you kind of join the Jehovah’s witnesses , when you decide to take a break or go your own way …they kind of consider you lost , or are not bothered with who you are or what you do anymore. Strange but very revealing,

I wonder who is left after a year of me wandering off and living a offline Jedi Life,…well off line is not completely possible off course , i have some responsibilities but they will remain in the background , far , far in the background

Opie Macleod gave me an assignment just about the time is was considering the same for a while , at first i felt kicked out of the nest. Kind of , “Here are your 5 practises , twas nice having you here , now GTF out there see ya next year” lol But then i felt this enormous sense of relief and validation of something i knew for a long time coming.

Off course i had to tell my other Mentor  Wes of this as i was smack at the end of an apprenticeship with him and me sodding off for a year was not exactly in the planning , but …he agreed with me , a year of contemplation, distance and working in the background , thus having more time to study and building my Empire of Service sounded just fine to him. Confirming that all was on the right track.

So , have i stopped being a Jedi? Hell No

Are we still Friends ? Hell Yeah , unless i was just a piece of your Jedi puzzle , then Hell No , because i want Friends in my life …not website puppets and puppet masters…

 

Life lessons , love lessons

Life lessons
I dont regret trying to make your dreams come true , since we started talking last year i really felt i was getting close to you. We talked about your limitations ,fears and regrets and decided to help eachother , my heart needed healing and our talks helped so much , i am truly free now. Falling in love was not the plan and maybe never should have happened but it did and we were happy. For months we were experts in hiding our feelings for eachother.
We worked together on our website , we grew , we flourished and i saw a light in you that made me love you so much. I dont regret a damn thing. People warned me your are ill , people warned me i would get hurt. But i saw a light in you and you saw a light in me and we set eachother on fire. What i did not know was that you are so ill that we could never be together , i cannot move to the States as long as my mother lives and i have a busy life here with many responsibilities. Your mental illness was never a problem for me , i would have gladly loved you for the rest of my life and i would have settled for seeing you once a year for a few weeks , but that is just utterly selfish of me because that would fit perfectly in my busy life that already is fullfilled with being of service and a lot of people depending on me. I would have been happy with my Jedi on the side that i could talk to and be with for a few weeks a year.
Now one can argue why i did not want the whole package , and one can doubt my love , but that would be underestimating my love , and i am not having it. I love you , and i will for a long time still. And then you decided to destroy your feelings for me and the website we did together , that was selfish of you , but i understand , i understand your need to start all over again, My worry is , how many times do you want to do that? Off course i am sad and angry who would not be , not only you and i put a lot of love into that website and you decided for all of us that it ended. But love rules my heart now and i can feel a light coming through the cracks of my broken heart that can finally set me free , and i will forever be grateful for that.

May the Force be with you ❤

Art of War

Reading this book confronts me with a lot of mistakes i have made , i think everybody has made , as i was listening to the audiobook i saw that there was a video that explained the book from a bussinessmans point of view. Although i dont agree with everything he says i found it very valuable and so i spend today with making meditation scripts , making my criminology homework , finishing listening to Art of War and listening to the explanation video , i also updated my accountability log and i did  my excersises. I have spent most of my day behind the laptop but it was a very fruitfull day. A day that will bring me closer to my goal. Its as if my determination to follow my bliss and seek my direction and purpose is paying off. How i try to focus and be the best i can be. And the calm that brings ..bliss in itself ! Discipline brings calm and makes me feel prepared , not longer afraid to face conflict but not seeking it. Time to meditate to wind down 😉

May the Force be with you ❤